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Cannes (Do) Film Festival/Market

by Phil Gorn (from a Sales Representative P.O.V.)
http://www.Wonderphil.biz

Cannes is a hard Beast to figure out - both the market & the festival.  The festival has a reputation of being elite, classy, art above all else.  But last year I went to quite a few Red Carpet premieres & saw my share of duds.  And I mean offensive stuff.  Artistically, visually, verbally - terrible in every way.  As I remember, one was called “Completely Pointless” & the other was called “Overblown Exploitative Violence.” I’ll spare you the details but I definitely had the feeling someone was getting paid to approve these films.

This year Cannes invited “Ocean’s 13” into their highest competition.  Why?  Obviously, because they appreciate the higher art, the risk, the nuances, the selfless ego that allowed such an achievement in art to be created.  That and the fact that by inviting one film they get George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia and much of the cast to hold dozens of interviews & grace the Red Carpet.  And it was the highlight.  No other premiere gathered more excitement.  No other actor was more in demand than Monsieur Pitt (who I do considered a great actor - see “Legends of the Fall” or even “12 Monkeys” or “Snatch” for that matter).

Angelina Jolie came in a close second as I saw the Paparazzi chase her car as if they just saw Moses holding the other 10 Commandments. Actually, I did see Moses looking very stunned as he came out of the Burning Beach – and he was holding Commandments 11-20. (One of the Commandments read: “Ladies shall not wear undergarments in public – nor any garment for that matter – especially ones made by Victoria Secret’s who’s overseas, cheap exploitive labor record is enough to make Satin herself blush.”  If you’d like to know the other 9 Commandments, just send me $9 plus $2 billion in shipping & handling & I’ll send you the actual tablets.)

Anyway, enough about the Cannes Film Festival.  It’s time to talk about bigger & better things:  Wonderphil Productions.

A few years ago (actually five), I went to Cannes as a filmmaker and wrote an article for BACN.  This year (as well as last year) I went as a suit.  Sales Representative.  Renting a booth in the Palais & showing films to any & all interested buyers.  Sounds simply enough, right?  Man, is it a pain in the buttocks.

My business partner, Sanders Robinson, & I arrived in Nice a couple of days before the festival.  We had managed to pack DVD screeners of over 40 films.  At least 10 copies of each film.  The featured films we had 40.  We also brought one-sheets for every film as well as a one-sheet stand.  Then there were the two easels (to hold 2 of the featured films), posters, a DVD compilation of trailers (125 copies) and catalogues of films (also 125).  We also happen to pack a 32” LCD monitor.  We each had our laptops.  And I brought an external hard drive as well as assorted cables.  And, luckily, we managed to find room for our suits (hard to be a Suit without one).

We brought all of this crap – I mean, precious cargo – straight from the Nice airport to the Palais/Convention Center.  After setting a few things up, we dragged our exhausted arses to the hotel.  Wanted to just fall down & sleep but we hadn’t eaten since the plane (the first plane, the one that arrived in London) so we got something to eat.  Maybe a little more than something as the French know how to cook – especially desserts.

So now it was time for the two little American piggies to sleep.  The only problem was that Sanders & I decided to share a room.  Which shouldn’t be a problem except… The man snores like… well, you know the sound the creature in “Alien” makes just before attacking?... Needless to say, the few dreams I had weren’t good.

Also I think I should mention that preparing for Cannes takes an unbelievable amount of time – not to be believed until tried.  We were acquiring films until the last minute, designing the catalogue, running off copies of the DVD trailer compilation.  I left many of my personal/business errands (little things like bank matters, paying bills, getting Cannes materials out of storage, getting a haircut, packing) for the day before/morning of leaving.

So, anyway, enough sadness (didn’t mean to make you cry).  Back to Cannes.  The next day (the day before the market begins) we set-up the booth.  It took all day but we did it.  And, yes, we were exhausted as we forgot to eat until 7pm when I picked up a couple of sandwiches and we ate them in our great-looking booth.  Oops, one minor chore still needed to be done.  One of the featured films still needed a trailer.  Kind of hard to make a buyer interested without a trailer – and it better be a kick ass trailer.  (One more transgression:  This one goes out to all the Filmmakers out there.  The ones who spend years of their life making the perfect film.  Working over every frame.  Spending a big ol’ chunk of change - as well as pushing their luck with loved ones - for something that means so much to them.  And then proceed to spend a few hours in Photoshop (which they have little expertise) to create a poster.  Then spend a day or so to make a trailer.  Uh…. I hate to tell you but often times the trailer & poster are more important to a sale than the movie itself.  Like it not, that’s the bizsnatch. 

Anyway, back to Cannes (again).  I needed to cut a trailer to a film… I never saw.  This is a film Sanders signed a few days before the market.  I had nothing to do with it.  I’m not sure I should actually be telling this story but, hey, it makes for a good story - & that’s what this business is supposed to be about – or at least that’s the rumor.

So I watch the opening of the movie while we eat our sandwiches.  I don’t have the time or energy to watch the entire film so I put it in fast-forward mode.  Now it’s time to get to the hotel before the cleanup crew kicks us out of our booth.

One other transgression: The funniest thing about being in Cannes is that 90% of the time I’m stuck in the booth.  There aren’t windows, no view, no indication that the booth is in Cannes.  It could be Compton & it wouldn’t matter much to me.  Either way, I’m going straight to my hotel to fall down.  Cannes, Compton, same difference.

So before going to sleep, there’s one last chore to do.  Cut the damn trailer.  So I rip the movie into my laptop, open Final Cut and proceed to Cut (Finally).  An hour or two later (I lose track of time when I edit or write.  But I rarely lose track of time when I’m doing sales.  But that’s another novel.)  The trailer (teaser, really) is cut.  I show Sanders.  He says great.  I tweak a bit more.  Now it’s one in the morning.  And we have to get to the booth earlier than everyone else.  Enough is enough.  It’s time to get some sleep.

The lights go out.  And, within seconds, Aliens begin attacking.

The amount of names I called Sanders no one will ever know – not even me as I was delirious.  All I’ll say is he’s not just an Alien when he sleeps, he’s the Terminator as well (can’t be reasoned with, feels no pain – even when I throw anything within my reach at him).

So I wait for six o’clock to come.  On the positive side, there was no chance of me oversleeping.  At 6, I get up to shower – leaving Godzilla to keep dreaming of mowing down his victims a few minutes more.

The market begins.  The market itself is another novel.  But I’ll try to sum it up in this paragraph.  Day after day, buyers come by & see what’s available for their territory.   Buyers are a bit different from regular folk.  From the time they were born, many buyers learn 3 Primary words.  And these 3 words will carry them through life.  The three words are: Horror.  Action.  Thriller.  If you ask them to explain anything, they’ll say a fourth word (although they don’t appreciate wasting their breath) and that word is Creatures.  So it tends to be a bit frustrating when I represent plenty of stellar dramas & comedies.

So, anyway, to wrap up the rest of this novel in 2 paragraphs or less, the market goes on for 10 days then I fold up the booth (as Sanders had to go back home after the first weekend), put everything on my back and head out.

Of course, I haven’t even mentioned the Red Carpet events – which we had free tickets to attend any and all.  But we didn’t go to a single premiere.  Too busy.  Too tired.  Gave out tickets to everything including Ocean’s 13.  Even gave away a pair of tickets to the final premiere to the taxi driver who brought me back to my hotel for the last time.  This was possibly the hottest event in all of Cannes – at least for the French – as they conclude with a French film.  The expression on the taxi driver’s face was priceless.  He kept looking at the tickets (which resemble Willy Wonka tickets) to make sure they were real.  Gave out tickets to the premieres of Michael Moore, Tarantino, the Coens Brothers.  Where were you?

Phil Gorn

http://www.Wonderphil.biz